Miscommunication in relationships - how to fix it

Misunderstandings are common when people in relationships don't understand each other, feel unheard, or struggle to express their needs while failing to comprehend what your partner wants. When a problem or terms or conditions are not expressed precisely, "miscommunication" happens and everyone has different understanding of the situation.

For example, one partner asks the other to take out the trash: "Can you take out the trash?" with the intention of "do it now". The other partner thinks, "Sure I can, it's not difficult," and responds, "Okay, in a moment," but continues with another activity. After some time, the requesting partner may start feeling anger or frustration about why their request isn't being fulfilled. This can lead to blame, justifications, and in the end a conflict.

Sounds familiar? Discover two ways to handle similar situations.

1. Seeing the problem from both sides. When you have a problem or a request and you're communicating it to your partner, it's important to check whether they understood you correctly. Similarly, when you receive a request or a complaint, clarify whether you've understood it correctly.

   For example, a person wants more attention from their partner and says, "You don't pay any attention to me." The partner asks, "What do you mean specifically?" Let's say the person wants to have dinner at a restaurant more often. The word "often" can be interpreted differently by each person, so it's essential to ask precisely how many times per month or week. In the end, the listener confirms, "Did I understand correctly that you feel I'm not giving you enough attention, and you want to have dinner at a restaurant once a week?" With this confirmation, both people have a common understanding of the situation, avoiding different assumptions.

2. Critiquing through your own feelings. If it's still challenging to align perspectives on the problem and complaints arise, you can learn how to express them without blaming your partner. One way is using "I-YOU" language. "I feel this way when you behave this way."

   For example, a husband returns home late from work without informing his wife. Finally, he arrives home, and the wife confronts him, saying, "Where have you been? Why didn't you call me? What do you think you're doing?" It's natural that the woman might have been worried, but she didn't express it, and the husband felt blamed. It would have been better to say, "I was worried, and I thought something might have happened to you when you stayed late at work without letting me know." This way, you express your feelings as a result of the other person's behavior, and next time, the person will take it into account without feeling blamed.

By learning to express your opinions or criticism to your partner through your feelings and aligning perspectives on problems in a relationship, you can avoid daily disagreements. If problems persist even after trying this with your partner, it might be worth talking to a specialist. Good relationships contribute to well-being so don't neglect them.