How to Increase Your Self-esteem

Self-esteem or self-confidence is a realistic self-assessment, accepting one's strengths and weaknesses, and believing in one's abilities. Most commonly, there is an overly negative self-assessment and a lack of belief in oneself, thinking "I can't."

In childhood, parents or caregivers react to a child's behavior in different ways, some behavior is encouraged, while another is punished. The child doesn't yet understand what they can or cannot do, so they observe their parents' reactions and draw conclusions about themselves. For example, low self-esteem can develop if parents constantly do everything for the child, saying, "You're too young, you can't do it." If this happens for years, the child comes to believe that they can't do anything on their own, and others are better.

So, how can you "repair" your self-esteem and have more confidence in yourself?

1. First, assess how you currently view yourself, whether your self-image matches reality. Write down your positive and negative (strong-weak) qualities on a sheet of paper. For each one, recall a situation or think of real facts that confirm the statement. For example, "I am responsible because I don't show up late for meetings."

If it's challenging to come up with qualities, you can ask your loved ones what they think of you. Think about what you especially value in other people. It's likely that the same areas (e.g., achievements, career, appearance) are important to you as well. Then, it's easier to go through these areas and mark where and how you value yourself.

2. Choose a few situations or statements where most of your negative view of yourself is reflected. Imagine what your inner critic is telling you. Note specific phrases so that you can find arguments or facts to refute them.

   For example, "I value academic achievements, but I feel like a failure because I didn't pass one exam. I believe I'm a failure in general, although I can retake the exam and still get a degree. One negative event doesn't make me a worthless person - it's just my mistaken belief."

Negative self-assessment or lack of self-confidence can hinder daily life and impede personal growth. If trying this exercise and finding arguments that negate devaluation doesn't improve your well-being, let's talk.